my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
