I just threw up on my dentist
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You dont lie about slip and slides
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
