They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
