My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
