I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Randomize
