all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
