dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
