I think scott just propositioned me for sex
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
