I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
4 words: hood of his car
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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