Kiss
Puke
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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