Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
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