Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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