Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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