awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
