I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
