Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
it's great music for shaving your balls
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.