Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid