At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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