i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed