I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
