hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
