it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
You left your phone here
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