Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
