i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
we're making bets on your personal life
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
