saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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