You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
