Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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