He kissed a someone with a penis
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
