i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
