So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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