I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
