Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
