woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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