just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
