his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
