party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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