Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
so much tequila, so little girl.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Randomize
