I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
