i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
