wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
