in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
