sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
