I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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