you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
