Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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