I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
