We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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