I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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