God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
