So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
