Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
