In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
