Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
