sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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