ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
