3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i just had sex bonerless
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
