how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
