I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
