you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Don't EVER smell your tampon
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I need to sanitize my soul.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
