Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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