I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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