loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
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