why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
