the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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