I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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