Your face is a jimmy john
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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