Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
