can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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