Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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