My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
