Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
