you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
