I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
