Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
