Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
