Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
