i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
