i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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