You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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