I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
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