Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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