Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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