And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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