would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
