she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
