So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
