Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
