its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
